I know I haven't been on in quite some time. We have had company from Canada a few different weekends, a weekend devoted to my mom's parents, etc. etc. etc. I did read the chapter last week Thursday, I just didn't make time on top of other things to put it up.
This chapter is about bringing all of the pieces of yourself together, and to peace. Not to neglect your soul and focus on your ego, not to focus so much on your soul that you're in dream world and don't have a character. It is a good chapter for young people especially. Young people tend to shut out their souls and they end up feeling lost. "People who are very social, always laughing and joking. People who are always busy, trying to fill every possible moment with work or activity or mind-numbing entertainment. Anything to prevent that dreadful moment of silence when they can no longer drown out the cry of their soul. They may succeed, but only for a little while, because the soul is strong. It roars like a restless lion, rattling the bars of the cage the ego has built for it." Everyone searches for themselves, and sometimes the process of the search is to shut off who you truly are while you try to be someone else.
"Hashem calls to Adam, 'Where are you?' But the question isn't, 'Where are you?' It is 'Where are you?' That is the most frightening of questions, which we are all being asked daily. And it is a question that Adam cannot answer. He has lost himself in his ego. He has cut himself off from the Soul of Souls. And having done so, he no longer knows where he is. He cannot find himself because his true self can be found only within the context of the Great Self. Lost and confused, Adam does what lost and confused people have done ever since. He hides. It is a senseless move. It is like trying to hide from yourself. The idea is ridiculous. Can the body hide from the mind? Of course not. How then can the self hide from the Great Self? And yet, when we get lost in the ego, we are cursed with this kind of confused thinking, that Hashem is over there and we are over here." How many times have you felt that? I cannot count how many times in my life I have felt myself slipping away and getting caught up in other things, and I stop to think, "How can I pray now? I'm so far away, and He is so far that-a-way... I don't know what to do." The fact is, it doesn't matter where you are, what you are doing or what you were doing. Yahweh is always there, in everything, and He can hear you from anywhere. Why wouldn't He be able to? There is a story I heard from a rabbi: there was a smart little boy who was offered a coin to tell where God is. The little boy replied that he would give out coins if the poser of the question could tell him where God was not.
The thing is, I can understand why someone would think that. They feel so guilty, that the reality of what they fear is that they will be unable to talk to Him through what they have done. This is where het comes in. Het means sin, remember? To miss the mark, to play off-key, etc. It also means to lose yourself- to misplace and displace yourself. Sometimes it is easier to cover it up. The author told a story about going to the dentist. The dentist asked him if it hurt when he tapped on one of his teeth. He answered that it did not. The dentist asked if it ever hurt. The author replied, "Actually, it did awhile back. But I just ignored it, and eventually the pain went away." The dentist laughed, "You know why it doesn't hurt anymore? It's dead." You can let something go for so long, that you don't notice it, and then you don't think about it, and then it's too late. The tooth is dead. A piece of your soul is dead. And you now need an expensive root canal. ;) Don't wait too long. The more you miss, the more you misplace yourself, the more lost you become. The more lost you become, the further away you feel from the Soul of Souls, the harder it is to come back. We forget how easy it is, prayer. Just open your mouth, or perhaps your mind. Those guilty feelings, when you have a hard time praying, usually mean you're slipping and you have something you need to take care of. It could even be anger at Yahweh over something that happened or even didn't happen. You didn't get the job and don't know why. A loved one died, and you don't know why. This relationship is just like the other ones in your life: You must communicate. Talk it out, and work it out. Peace will be waiting at the end.
"The soul is not at home in the ego." You must have a balance. Work, play, peace. I work 20 hours a week, I will be going to school 12 credit hours, and I will have my Sabbath away from it all once a week. During the hours I am not at work or school, I will be doing homework, reading, playing the piano, visiting with friends and family, and watching movies. If you party or work all the time, your soul is lost. If you live in a constant Sabbath, you lose touch with the world. We mustn't even do that; if we lose touch with the world, how will we bless those in it? How would we be blessed in turn by those in it?
On a different note, this chapter also covered how we reach our balance and respond to things correctly. I know it has been a question since the beginning of pain: Why? Why must He do this? Does He do this? The simple answer is that first, it is not revenge. A principle of the Torah is that all that happens to us is for our good and our growth. It is another path offered to help us surpass our egos and reach our goals. Obstacles should be viewed as opportunities, in other words. We should all look for lessons from our experiences, painful or otherwise. A path some take, though, .. and it is easy to take.. is the path of death. Not literally, but figuratively. They feel pain, they push away, they question, they are angry. Many things can lead one to this path. And once you are on it, it is difficult to switch over.
To choose this path, "to choose death, is to lose yourself- your soul- in the ego. To choose death is to identify with that which dies. And upon doing so, you endure the fear of death each day of your life. The fear of death is greater than death. Death happens once. The fear of death happens daily. To live with the constant fear of death is absolutely tragic; it is like choosing death as a way of life. To choose life is to identify with the timeless. To choose life is to find your self within the Great Self. To do that is to let go of fear. To do that is to know that you- the soul- will never die. To do that is to come home."
Our souls need peace. Our characters need a scene. It is important where we find these scenes, and even where we seek our peace. Don't attach your character or soul to something short term. And remember, "The soul is not at home in the ego." Be blessed, and be a blessing to others. Kol tov. :)
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Questions and Answers, I Have for You- from Chapter 7
Question 1. Can you recall a time your soul cried out to bond with a higher reality? What stimulated that yearning?
There have been several times where I have cried out to the Father, either in my mind or with words from my lips. Most of the time it is in prayer for another person, crying out with questions as to why He has not healed them yet, or fixed their financial problems, or why He is letting (more) bad things happen to them. Other times it is for my protection, and that is stimulated from fear. In the car, in the dark, in a crowded place. The rest of the times are during worship, when my whole being longs to be closer. To see. Just to feel His presence. However, times when my soul cried out to bond with Him? Those are probably all during worship, and in giving thankful prayers. I love to give thankful prayers. Those are most likely the ones that help me feel closest. When you are happy, and giving Him all the reasons for your happiness because He is the One that made the feeling of happiness possible... Those are wonderful prayers.
Question 2. Can you identify the different characters you have played in your life? Which of those characters no longer exist?
This question made me think of preteen and teenage years. You change your character so often in those years, sometimes you forget who you played and are embarrassed when someone reminds you. We tend to call them 'phases', but that's only after we are out of them and realize how ridiculous they were. Why do we change who we are so often in those years? Those are the years of growth, that's why. You experiment, seeing which character you will play the rest of your life, or a good portion of it. So please, don't make fun of teenagers because of their constant changes. Help them choose the right ones.
Now, my memory when it comes to my younger years (because I'm so old) is not to be relied upon. I know what happened, most of the time, but I don't remember when. So I will not associate any character with a year of my life unless I truly know beyond a doubt that I'm speaking accurately.
In the youngest years that I could actually have a character, I was a thinker, a reader, someone grasping at loose-ended thoughts and ideas. I don't remember if I told you this before or not, so forgive me if I have. When I was still to enter into my preteen years, I was outside and the leaves were falling from a giant tree we had in our backyard that has since been cut down. All of the leaves falling to the ground was not beautiful to me then, for I thought it looked like the tree was dying. Then I thought of all the people in the world, and how each leaf could represent a person dying. In my child's mind, I told myself that I would save them. That if I could save a leaf from touching the ground, I was saving a person from dying. I tried and tried, but the wind got more rambunctious and I couldn't keep up. I ran around, and then realized it was pointless, and I sat down on the ground and cried. At some later point, either that day or that week, I went to my dad and asked him why so many people had to die. He told me to think of the other side; instead of focusing on all the deaths every day, focus on all the lives being brought into the world every day.
After that, I was a tomboy. Don't ask why, because I haven't been since. I wore ripped jeans, big T-shirts and a bucket hat (... yeah), and gained many scratches that turned into scars for me later. I rode my bike all over the yard, climbed trees, I argued more with neighbor kids, and I .... I.... I spit. Enough of this phase....
There was a week or so long phase consisting of black clothes, hair always down with half of it in my face, pale skin, and a chain on my pants. I left most of that, but kept the hair style for a while. My mom hated it, saying I was shutting out half the world, or something like that. I don't know what I was doing, perhaps just trying to look mysterious, but because I didn't listen to her, I was also doing it out of rebellion.
After that, I don't remember many distinct phases. They all start to blend together in various ways. I know I became more dramatic in my personality for a while in my teen years. Those were not good times. I went through a period of depression and anger, all against my family. There were some changes going on all at once, and I didn't like how they affected my role in the family. That is when I started to write poetry. Of course, all of it was dark and angry, but well written anyway. I told my parents of my depression after a while, and they helped me realize that I was thinking selfishly, often blindly. I opened up more and more, letting people in and realizing that not everyone was my enemy, and have not dealt with depression since.
Unfortunately, after that, I played a girlfriend lost in her man and what he wanted. I had been pretty confident, pretty sure of what I wanted and who I was, and with one emotion it all left me. I will just title that phase as 'confused.' I again became angry at some members of my family, I felt I needed things that I didn't have, that I deserved more respect, more privacy, etc. That I was 18. An adult. After he and I split, I regained who I was, but with more wisdom. It was a necessary process. All you can do is learn, yes?
And here I am. A person of some little experience, a wonderful family, supportive friends, and in love without losing myself. Again, changes are necessary. We weed out who we want to be from what we don't want to see in the mirror. It is a process. Just realize that most phases are not kept. We won't always play that character. Just guide us into a new one.
Question 3. Can you recall times when you felt you were a vehicle for Hashem?
Wow. I will tone that down into just blessing people. I feel too presumptuous thinking of myself as a vehicle for Him. It actually kind of scares me to try to think of one. I'm 20. Maybe later.
I know I have blessed people with my words. I am an advice giver, an encourager. I love to share what is being done in me, I love to share my realizations and lessons learned. Just sharing can teach, you know.
I am told that I bless people with my music, or, rather, the music that I play. I have not written any piece of music (I really wish I had that gift). In fact, just a few weeks ago I was at a youth gathering of the Messianic/Sacred Namer/Old Testament believers, and the youth were doing the service. I had been asked beforehand to play the piano, so I did, shaking the whole time. I need to learn to control my muscles when I'm nervous, because it's getting to be ridiculous. Anyway, I was told 'thank you' by many people later, and one lady actually told me that while I was playing, she saw Yahweh's eye, closed, and then opening with rays of light that shone on me. I honestly didn't know what to say, so I only responded with thanking her. I had not heard anything like that before.
At work, I'm learning more and more that I bless people with a happy countenance. Many patrons come to me saying that half of the reason they come to this library is to see me smile and to talk to me, because (according to them) I'm so sweet. Most of those people are elderly, and I love to see how they leave smiling.
Other than that.. I am not sure. I know I've been told things before from a person who said I blessed them, but I honestly don't remember. Perhaps that's a good thing; I wouldn't want my head to get big. I already feel as if I'm tooting my own horn. However, I wish to say that if you are blessed by someone, let that person know. You bless them in return.
Question 4. Can you think of a person you dislike? What do you dislike about him or her? Can you distinguish that individual's persona from his or her essence?
Yikes. This is too dangerous for the internet, so I will not even go there in this post. Not because there are so many people I dislike, I can honestly only think of two at the moment. I will, however, continue this exercise when I encounter a persona I don't particularly adore. Looking at their essence will help to dissolve anger.
Question 5. Can you think of people you love for themselves and not for their personas?
Of course! I am a sucker for people stuck in their character, when they should move to a new one that fits their soul more. Why? Maybe I want to help, maybe I want to be there when it happens, who knows. All I know, is that I constantly say of those people that, 'they have so much potential!' It saddens me to see them, because I know they know they are trapped in someone they don't want to be, doing something they don't want to do. I suppose that I truly do want to help them, because I encourage them as much as I can. Often, though, I can become frustrated with them, because to me it's so easy, what they have to do, and they aren't doing it. With close friends that are like that, I think I yell more than I encourage softly. Thus, these people are a test for me. To become the encourager and person they need, and not to become wrapped up in who I want them to be so badly that I lose my love for them and gain only frustration. Of late, I was so frustrated with a close friend of mine that I wasn't even able to talk to her without faking my expressions. I realized recently that I need to let go of judgment in order to help more, to listen more. Because a person does not want to talk to another one that is tallying them up against who they think they should be. This is a large fault of mine, judging. A judge cannot be a friend.
To end, I want to share that it is important to help a person reach a potential, yes, but it is also important to listen to those who are trying to tell you. I am at fault in this area too, thinking I am 'all good', and will teach myself. Yahweh put people in your life for a reason, some for you to build up, some to build you up. This process is so lovely. The author says, "I need to be beyond my ego and to see beyond your persona. Then I can love you and help you go beyond your persona, too. Then we can work together to fix and improve the characters we are each playing, and thereby mend the broken vessels to receive the light of love-- the Endless Light of Hashem." Bless, and be blessed.
There have been several times where I have cried out to the Father, either in my mind or with words from my lips. Most of the time it is in prayer for another person, crying out with questions as to why He has not healed them yet, or fixed their financial problems, or why He is letting (more) bad things happen to them. Other times it is for my protection, and that is stimulated from fear. In the car, in the dark, in a crowded place. The rest of the times are during worship, when my whole being longs to be closer. To see. Just to feel His presence. However, times when my soul cried out to bond with Him? Those are probably all during worship, and in giving thankful prayers. I love to give thankful prayers. Those are most likely the ones that help me feel closest. When you are happy, and giving Him all the reasons for your happiness because He is the One that made the feeling of happiness possible... Those are wonderful prayers.
Question 2. Can you identify the different characters you have played in your life? Which of those characters no longer exist?
This question made me think of preteen and teenage years. You change your character so often in those years, sometimes you forget who you played and are embarrassed when someone reminds you. We tend to call them 'phases', but that's only after we are out of them and realize how ridiculous they were. Why do we change who we are so often in those years? Those are the years of growth, that's why. You experiment, seeing which character you will play the rest of your life, or a good portion of it. So please, don't make fun of teenagers because of their constant changes. Help them choose the right ones.
Now, my memory when it comes to my younger years (because I'm so old) is not to be relied upon. I know what happened, most of the time, but I don't remember when. So I will not associate any character with a year of my life unless I truly know beyond a doubt that I'm speaking accurately.
In the youngest years that I could actually have a character, I was a thinker, a reader, someone grasping at loose-ended thoughts and ideas. I don't remember if I told you this before or not, so forgive me if I have. When I was still to enter into my preteen years, I was outside and the leaves were falling from a giant tree we had in our backyard that has since been cut down. All of the leaves falling to the ground was not beautiful to me then, for I thought it looked like the tree was dying. Then I thought of all the people in the world, and how each leaf could represent a person dying. In my child's mind, I told myself that I would save them. That if I could save a leaf from touching the ground, I was saving a person from dying. I tried and tried, but the wind got more rambunctious and I couldn't keep up. I ran around, and then realized it was pointless, and I sat down on the ground and cried. At some later point, either that day or that week, I went to my dad and asked him why so many people had to die. He told me to think of the other side; instead of focusing on all the deaths every day, focus on all the lives being brought into the world every day.
After that, I was a tomboy. Don't ask why, because I haven't been since. I wore ripped jeans, big T-shirts and a bucket hat (... yeah), and gained many scratches that turned into scars for me later. I rode my bike all over the yard, climbed trees, I argued more with neighbor kids, and I .... I.... I spit. Enough of this phase....
There was a week or so long phase consisting of black clothes, hair always down with half of it in my face, pale skin, and a chain on my pants. I left most of that, but kept the hair style for a while. My mom hated it, saying I was shutting out half the world, or something like that. I don't know what I was doing, perhaps just trying to look mysterious, but because I didn't listen to her, I was also doing it out of rebellion.
After that, I don't remember many distinct phases. They all start to blend together in various ways. I know I became more dramatic in my personality for a while in my teen years. Those were not good times. I went through a period of depression and anger, all against my family. There were some changes going on all at once, and I didn't like how they affected my role in the family. That is when I started to write poetry. Of course, all of it was dark and angry, but well written anyway. I told my parents of my depression after a while, and they helped me realize that I was thinking selfishly, often blindly. I opened up more and more, letting people in and realizing that not everyone was my enemy, and have not dealt with depression since.
Unfortunately, after that, I played a girlfriend lost in her man and what he wanted. I had been pretty confident, pretty sure of what I wanted and who I was, and with one emotion it all left me. I will just title that phase as 'confused.' I again became angry at some members of my family, I felt I needed things that I didn't have, that I deserved more respect, more privacy, etc. That I was 18. An adult. After he and I split, I regained who I was, but with more wisdom. It was a necessary process. All you can do is learn, yes?
And here I am. A person of some little experience, a wonderful family, supportive friends, and in love without losing myself. Again, changes are necessary. We weed out who we want to be from what we don't want to see in the mirror. It is a process. Just realize that most phases are not kept. We won't always play that character. Just guide us into a new one.
Question 3. Can you recall times when you felt you were a vehicle for Hashem?
Wow. I will tone that down into just blessing people. I feel too presumptuous thinking of myself as a vehicle for Him. It actually kind of scares me to try to think of one. I'm 20. Maybe later.
I know I have blessed people with my words. I am an advice giver, an encourager. I love to share what is being done in me, I love to share my realizations and lessons learned. Just sharing can teach, you know.
I am told that I bless people with my music, or, rather, the music that I play. I have not written any piece of music (I really wish I had that gift). In fact, just a few weeks ago I was at a youth gathering of the Messianic/Sacred Namer/Old Testament believers, and the youth were doing the service. I had been asked beforehand to play the piano, so I did, shaking the whole time. I need to learn to control my muscles when I'm nervous, because it's getting to be ridiculous. Anyway, I was told 'thank you' by many people later, and one lady actually told me that while I was playing, she saw Yahweh's eye, closed, and then opening with rays of light that shone on me. I honestly didn't know what to say, so I only responded with thanking her. I had not heard anything like that before.
At work, I'm learning more and more that I bless people with a happy countenance. Many patrons come to me saying that half of the reason they come to this library is to see me smile and to talk to me, because (according to them) I'm so sweet. Most of those people are elderly, and I love to see how they leave smiling.
Other than that.. I am not sure. I know I've been told things before from a person who said I blessed them, but I honestly don't remember. Perhaps that's a good thing; I wouldn't want my head to get big. I already feel as if I'm tooting my own horn. However, I wish to say that if you are blessed by someone, let that person know. You bless them in return.
Question 4. Can you think of a person you dislike? What do you dislike about him or her? Can you distinguish that individual's persona from his or her essence?
Yikes. This is too dangerous for the internet, so I will not even go there in this post. Not because there are so many people I dislike, I can honestly only think of two at the moment. I will, however, continue this exercise when I encounter a persona I don't particularly adore. Looking at their essence will help to dissolve anger.
Question 5. Can you think of people you love for themselves and not for their personas?
Of course! I am a sucker for people stuck in their character, when they should move to a new one that fits their soul more. Why? Maybe I want to help, maybe I want to be there when it happens, who knows. All I know, is that I constantly say of those people that, 'they have so much potential!' It saddens me to see them, because I know they know they are trapped in someone they don't want to be, doing something they don't want to do. I suppose that I truly do want to help them, because I encourage them as much as I can. Often, though, I can become frustrated with them, because to me it's so easy, what they have to do, and they aren't doing it. With close friends that are like that, I think I yell more than I encourage softly. Thus, these people are a test for me. To become the encourager and person they need, and not to become wrapped up in who I want them to be so badly that I lose my love for them and gain only frustration. Of late, I was so frustrated with a close friend of mine that I wasn't even able to talk to her without faking my expressions. I realized recently that I need to let go of judgment in order to help more, to listen more. Because a person does not want to talk to another one that is tallying them up against who they think they should be. This is a large fault of mine, judging. A judge cannot be a friend.
To end, I want to share that it is important to help a person reach a potential, yes, but it is also important to listen to those who are trying to tell you. I am at fault in this area too, thinking I am 'all good', and will teach myself. Yahweh put people in your life for a reason, some for you to build up, some to build you up. This process is so lovely. The author says, "I need to be beyond my ego and to see beyond your persona. Then I can love you and help you go beyond your persona, too. Then we can work together to fix and improve the characters we are each playing, and thereby mend the broken vessels to receive the light of love-- the Endless Light of Hashem." Bless, and be blessed.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
How Many of You Can There Be? - Chapter 7
Ah, how I love to be back here typing away. Especially when I have such a chapter as this to share.
"How many times have you heard a person say, 'I don't like myself.'? What does that mean? How do you not like yourself? How can you be both the subject and the object of the sentence? Who is the you that doesn't like yourself? .... we all know on some level that there is the me that is the body and the personality, and then there is some higher level of consciousness that is distinct but has a relationship with the body and personality. For example, we all talk to ourselves. When you do that, whom are you talking to? You know that you are not 2 people. There is one you, and yet within your oneness there is an internal relationship between these parts you call 'me', 'myself'', and 'I'. So I can talk to myself. I can think to myself. I can dislike myself. I can look for myself."
If you are like me, then you've often tried to better yourself. You see the person 'inside' that you want to be on the outside, and you become closer to yourself. You find areas that need improvement, and develop a way to fix them. But how do I do this? Can a flower look at itself and say, "I need to grow,"? Can one thing see itself AND fix itself? It seems like a lot is going on there for one person. People say you need to 'remove yourself from the situation/picture/problem/etc.' in order to solve it. So you step back from yourself to look at yourself? ...Isn't that physically impossible? Perhaps if there were a mirror involved, or... I don't know. In any case, there is a beautiful explanation that doesn't involve mirrors.
Explanation: There is me- the character I play. That is the ego- thoughts and feelings clothing a persona- and the body with it's physical sensations. Then there is my self- the soul. This is the spark of Hashem. This is the conscious self, the knower, the experiencor, the actor who plays the character. And then there is the I- the Great Self, the Soul of Souls, Hashem. Of course, when I say 'I am' it is not Hashem, the Great I, speaking. It is probably the self, the soul, speaking, which is a spark of the Great I. But chances also are it's just me, my ego, speaking.
So there you have it. There are three of you! Or three parts that make up who you are. Either way, there is a lot more of you than meets the eye; but you always knew that, didn't you?
So when you step back from you, you should say, 'Myself has stepped away from me.' Yikes... nevermind, don't say that. Horrible grammar, and you might sound crazy. But I think you get the idea.
The person that is telling yourself to improve is your soul. Easy enough to believe, yes? The part of you that is being told off is your ego, which is also easy to see. That darn ego. And the reason you can do this is because you, the character, realize that there is an actor, yourself, your soul. If a person cannot see the separation of actor and character, what happens? Well, they get too involved in the play that they forget who they really are, and end up like Heath Ledger and the Joker. (That is an extreme example, I know, but it is still a valid one). If you are so wrapped up in who you are playing that your soul, the actor, gets lost or thrown aside, then there is no fixing you. There is no part to step away and look at the other part of you and say, "Look buddy! This body is big enough for the two of us!" On a more serious note: not only can you not see yourself if the soul is lost in the ego, but you cannot experience the fire your spark came from.
An analogy: Let's say you see a man running down the street wearing a blue uniform with a badge. You would be safe to assume that he is a policeman. The garment indicates the role he is playing, but not who he is. He might go home, put on some sweat pants, and go running again. Now, he is an athlete. Your garment is never your essence. The clothes you wear are not you, they are on you. Similarly, your character is not you. So you must never confuse the two.
I like this part, because it shows that there is not one role you are playing (unless you are very lucky). You know when you see someone act one way in a setting and a different way in another? Most people call that two-faced, yes? I would like to agree. But not in the same negative emotion others have when they say one is two-faced. And I would also like to ask a question: are you the same way in an interview for the job you have always wanted as you are at your 21'st birthday bash? I would think not. Is that wrong? NO! You are you in both places, just putting to the forefront different aspects of who you are! Because we all play different roles, even with one character. I am not the same at work as I am at home. I am not the same at home as I am at an assembley. I am not the same at an assembley as I am at a recital I'm performing at. I am not the same at a recital as I am when I am with Aaron. I am not the same with Aaron as I am with any other man on earth. ( I just realized that ) And I shouldn't be. If I were the same all the time any place ever... I can bet I would not be liked in every setting. And what is amazing is how the character can do all of this and keep its sanity. Know how? Only because the character and the actor are separated. You must have your soul.
A story: Hashem told Abraham, "Go forth from your country, from your birthplace, and from your father's house, to a land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation, I will bless you and make you great." What was Hashem really asking Abraham to do? The Hebrew text is very specific; however, most translations miss the point. Hashem told Abraham, "lech lecha," which literally translates as, "go to yourself." But how can you tell a man such a thing when you are also telling him to leave his country, his birthplace, and his parents' home? Are these not the basic foundations of his identity? Is he not a Mesopotamian, a citizen of Haran, the son of Terah? The answer is yes. But Hashem was asking him to make a spiritual journey toward a new identity. This is clear from the order of instructions. To start on a physical journey, Abraham would logically first leave his father's house, then his birthplace, and then his country, but the order is reversed. That is because this is a journey in search of a new identity, and therefore the sequence of departure was given in the order of psychological difficulty of severing attachments. Abraham had to let go of all that was familiar and reach a new identity based on his identification with Hashem.
"In Kabbalah, ego consciousness is a state called klipah, literally meaning 'hard shell'. You become encased in a hard shell that separates you from the Divine I." The author uses the example of a pianist, which I can relate to: if you are a pianist who is ego conscious, and you have a feeling when you are onstage that "there is the audience, there is me, this is my piano, and this is my music," then it will never come together. You have to crack open that shell and let go. You have to become the music and let the Great Musician play through you, whether you admit it publicly or not. So the joy, the ecstasy of a person in a creative moment is really this strange kind of I-consciousness, rather than ego consciousness or self-consciousness. This experience resembles what the Kabbalah refers to as become a merkava, which literally means 'chariot'. You feel like a vehicle for a higher spirit and you are humbled and grateful, not haughty or arrogant.
You need your soul to hear from your Creator, to feel your Creator, to be close to your Creator. You also need your soul to relate to the souls of others. With only an ego, you have no sympathy, certainly not any empathy. With only an ego, you cannot relate to, understand, perhaps even be kind to the souls of others, because you will not see them. You will see their egos, and you will both have a wonderful relationship of personas. With a soul that is connected to your Creator, your relationships with others are changed. I've seen and experienced this myself every time I go through a 'time to fix this'. I treat my family differently, I respond to events differently, I open up to and listen to others, because my soul is in tune with where it came from; because I care. 'Love your neighbor as yourself' is not just about the recipient. If you do not love yourself, you cannot love the self in someone else. (Remember that 'self' is soul)
Now, how this affects your most personal, prized, intimate relationship is huuuuuuge.
A quote: most people believe in a soul connection. However, when they start looking for love, they often confuse the persona with the soul and get trapped in a kind of shopping mode, looking for what a person has rather than who a person is.
THE question: are you looking for a persona partner, or a soul mate?
Advice: Lists can sometimes get in the way of meeting your soul mate. If you list the characteristics of the person you think you could love, then when you meet a person who seems to fit your description, you will love those characteristics, not the soul. We all want to be loved for who we are, even if we ourselves are not certain who we are. And so we seek reassurances, "Why do you love me?" we ask, "what is the reason?"
Now, I am not against lists when it comes to the very fundamental things. Like, I would not be with a man who is not a believer, and, more importantly, a doer. There are also goals that must match, such as wanting a family. BUT, taken too far, lists can be detrimental to the searching process. I have witnessed this. I know a man (not naming names), who is a bachelor because girls are too tall, too short, too talkative, too shy, too, too, too, too! I know another person who is in a relationship with a tall, dark, and handsome Christian man... who she knew approximately 8 days before they decided to be together. On the other side of the advice above, I know someone else who has been in serious relationships perhaps 3 or 4 times, lived with girls, etc., and is still unmarried. He has currently been with the same girl for over 2 years. They work together, they live together, and she wants to be married. His answer? He still wants to get to know her, he wants to figure everything out first. He wants to know all the whys, all the hows. He still, at 30something, needs reassurance. He still is not sure of who he is or what he wants.
It is a difficult thing, this relationship. What is even more difficult is the reason behind the relationship. I LOVE the answer the author's wife gave him when he asked her why she loved him, "There is no reason why I love you. If there was, I would be in love with the reason, not you."
My conclusion to this post is a hard one, because we just covered so much, and then the author threw the whole love and relationships thing in there so that it's even harder to wrap it all up in a neat, little package. I mean, we just learned that there are three parts of us in one body, which is hard enough to have a conclusion to, and now I have to work in other things!
Thankfully, I think you get the whole point. The point is that there are many points. There is the point of the character, the ego: without which, the soul would have nothing to better, and no reason to be. There is the point of the soul: to better the character, to love the souls of others and see past the egos. There is the point of the Divine I (and just the point covered in this post!): the soul would not exist, the spark needs a fire to come from. And there is the point of throwing in the love thing: because all three parts of you must be involved to have a working, wonderful relationship with anyone.
And after all of that, the questions and answers to this chapter will come at a later date.
"How many times have you heard a person say, 'I don't like myself.'? What does that mean? How do you not like yourself? How can you be both the subject and the object of the sentence? Who is the you that doesn't like yourself? .... we all know on some level that there is the me that is the body and the personality, and then there is some higher level of consciousness that is distinct but has a relationship with the body and personality. For example, we all talk to ourselves. When you do that, whom are you talking to? You know that you are not 2 people. There is one you, and yet within your oneness there is an internal relationship between these parts you call 'me', 'myself'', and 'I'. So I can talk to myself. I can think to myself. I can dislike myself. I can look for myself."
If you are like me, then you've often tried to better yourself. You see the person 'inside' that you want to be on the outside, and you become closer to yourself. You find areas that need improvement, and develop a way to fix them. But how do I do this? Can a flower look at itself and say, "I need to grow,"? Can one thing see itself AND fix itself? It seems like a lot is going on there for one person. People say you need to 'remove yourself from the situation/picture/problem/etc.' in order to solve it. So you step back from yourself to look at yourself? ...Isn't that physically impossible? Perhaps if there were a mirror involved, or... I don't know. In any case, there is a beautiful explanation that doesn't involve mirrors.
Explanation: There is me- the character I play. That is the ego- thoughts and feelings clothing a persona- and the body with it's physical sensations. Then there is my self- the soul. This is the spark of Hashem. This is the conscious self, the knower, the experiencor, the actor who plays the character. And then there is the I- the Great Self, the Soul of Souls, Hashem. Of course, when I say 'I am' it is not Hashem, the Great I, speaking. It is probably the self, the soul, speaking, which is a spark of the Great I. But chances also are it's just me, my ego, speaking.
So there you have it. There are three of you! Or three parts that make up who you are. Either way, there is a lot more of you than meets the eye; but you always knew that, didn't you?
So when you step back from you, you should say, 'Myself has stepped away from me.' Yikes... nevermind, don't say that. Horrible grammar, and you might sound crazy. But I think you get the idea.
The person that is telling yourself to improve is your soul. Easy enough to believe, yes? The part of you that is being told off is your ego, which is also easy to see. That darn ego. And the reason you can do this is because you, the character, realize that there is an actor, yourself, your soul. If a person cannot see the separation of actor and character, what happens? Well, they get too involved in the play that they forget who they really are, and end up like Heath Ledger and the Joker. (That is an extreme example, I know, but it is still a valid one). If you are so wrapped up in who you are playing that your soul, the actor, gets lost or thrown aside, then there is no fixing you. There is no part to step away and look at the other part of you and say, "Look buddy! This body is big enough for the two of us!" On a more serious note: not only can you not see yourself if the soul is lost in the ego, but you cannot experience the fire your spark came from.
An analogy: Let's say you see a man running down the street wearing a blue uniform with a badge. You would be safe to assume that he is a policeman. The garment indicates the role he is playing, but not who he is. He might go home, put on some sweat pants, and go running again. Now, he is an athlete. Your garment is never your essence. The clothes you wear are not you, they are on you. Similarly, your character is not you. So you must never confuse the two.
I like this part, because it shows that there is not one role you are playing (unless you are very lucky). You know when you see someone act one way in a setting and a different way in another? Most people call that two-faced, yes? I would like to agree. But not in the same negative emotion others have when they say one is two-faced. And I would also like to ask a question: are you the same way in an interview for the job you have always wanted as you are at your 21'st birthday bash? I would think not. Is that wrong? NO! You are you in both places, just putting to the forefront different aspects of who you are! Because we all play different roles, even with one character. I am not the same at work as I am at home. I am not the same at home as I am at an assembley. I am not the same at an assembley as I am at a recital I'm performing at. I am not the same at a recital as I am when I am with Aaron. I am not the same with Aaron as I am with any other man on earth. ( I just realized that ) And I shouldn't be. If I were the same all the time any place ever... I can bet I would not be liked in every setting. And what is amazing is how the character can do all of this and keep its sanity. Know how? Only because the character and the actor are separated. You must have your soul.
A story: Hashem told Abraham, "Go forth from your country, from your birthplace, and from your father's house, to a land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation, I will bless you and make you great." What was Hashem really asking Abraham to do? The Hebrew text is very specific; however, most translations miss the point. Hashem told Abraham, "lech lecha," which literally translates as, "go to yourself." But how can you tell a man such a thing when you are also telling him to leave his country, his birthplace, and his parents' home? Are these not the basic foundations of his identity? Is he not a Mesopotamian, a citizen of Haran, the son of Terah? The answer is yes. But Hashem was asking him to make a spiritual journey toward a new identity. This is clear from the order of instructions. To start on a physical journey, Abraham would logically first leave his father's house, then his birthplace, and then his country, but the order is reversed. That is because this is a journey in search of a new identity, and therefore the sequence of departure was given in the order of psychological difficulty of severing attachments. Abraham had to let go of all that was familiar and reach a new identity based on his identification with Hashem.
"In Kabbalah, ego consciousness is a state called klipah, literally meaning 'hard shell'. You become encased in a hard shell that separates you from the Divine I." The author uses the example of a pianist, which I can relate to: if you are a pianist who is ego conscious, and you have a feeling when you are onstage that "there is the audience, there is me, this is my piano, and this is my music," then it will never come together. You have to crack open that shell and let go. You have to become the music and let the Great Musician play through you, whether you admit it publicly or not. So the joy, the ecstasy of a person in a creative moment is really this strange kind of I-consciousness, rather than ego consciousness or self-consciousness. This experience resembles what the Kabbalah refers to as become a merkava, which literally means 'chariot'. You feel like a vehicle for a higher spirit and you are humbled and grateful, not haughty or arrogant.
You need your soul to hear from your Creator, to feel your Creator, to be close to your Creator. You also need your soul to relate to the souls of others. With only an ego, you have no sympathy, certainly not any empathy. With only an ego, you cannot relate to, understand, perhaps even be kind to the souls of others, because you will not see them. You will see their egos, and you will both have a wonderful relationship of personas. With a soul that is connected to your Creator, your relationships with others are changed. I've seen and experienced this myself every time I go through a 'time to fix this'. I treat my family differently, I respond to events differently, I open up to and listen to others, because my soul is in tune with where it came from; because I care. 'Love your neighbor as yourself' is not just about the recipient. If you do not love yourself, you cannot love the self in someone else. (Remember that 'self' is soul)
Now, how this affects your most personal, prized, intimate relationship is huuuuuuge.
A quote: most people believe in a soul connection. However, when they start looking for love, they often confuse the persona with the soul and get trapped in a kind of shopping mode, looking for what a person has rather than who a person is.
THE question: are you looking for a persona partner, or a soul mate?
Advice: Lists can sometimes get in the way of meeting your soul mate. If you list the characteristics of the person you think you could love, then when you meet a person who seems to fit your description, you will love those characteristics, not the soul. We all want to be loved for who we are, even if we ourselves are not certain who we are. And so we seek reassurances, "Why do you love me?" we ask, "what is the reason?"
Now, I am not against lists when it comes to the very fundamental things. Like, I would not be with a man who is not a believer, and, more importantly, a doer. There are also goals that must match, such as wanting a family. BUT, taken too far, lists can be detrimental to the searching process. I have witnessed this. I know a man (not naming names), who is a bachelor because girls are too tall, too short, too talkative, too shy, too, too, too, too! I know another person who is in a relationship with a tall, dark, and handsome Christian man... who she knew approximately 8 days before they decided to be together. On the other side of the advice above, I know someone else who has been in serious relationships perhaps 3 or 4 times, lived with girls, etc., and is still unmarried. He has currently been with the same girl for over 2 years. They work together, they live together, and she wants to be married. His answer? He still wants to get to know her, he wants to figure everything out first. He wants to know all the whys, all the hows. He still, at 30something, needs reassurance. He still is not sure of who he is or what he wants.
It is a difficult thing, this relationship. What is even more difficult is the reason behind the relationship. I LOVE the answer the author's wife gave him when he asked her why she loved him, "There is no reason why I love you. If there was, I would be in love with the reason, not you."
My conclusion to this post is a hard one, because we just covered so much, and then the author threw the whole love and relationships thing in there so that it's even harder to wrap it all up in a neat, little package. I mean, we just learned that there are three parts of us in one body, which is hard enough to have a conclusion to, and now I have to work in other things!
Thankfully, I think you get the whole point. The point is that there are many points. There is the point of the character, the ego: without which, the soul would have nothing to better, and no reason to be. There is the point of the soul: to better the character, to love the souls of others and see past the egos. There is the point of the Divine I (and just the point covered in this post!): the soul would not exist, the spark needs a fire to come from. And there is the point of throwing in the love thing: because all three parts of you must be involved to have a working, wonderful relationship with anyone.
And after all of that, the questions and answers to this chapter will come at a later date.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Levels- Chapter 6
Levels of Soul
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Yechida Universal Soul- yearning to love Hashem
Chaya Collective Soul- sense of self transcendence
Neshama Meaningful Thought- sense of an ideal
Ruach Meaningful Speech- sense of truth
Nefesh Meaningful Action- sense of good and bad
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Animalistic Soul Life Force-consciousness of needs for survival
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(^read from the bottom up^)
In this chapter, there is a lot of technical stuff- terminology, etc. Some of the lines drawn between one level of soul and the next, to me, are very fuzzy. I might actually have put some of the levels together, like meaningful action and meaningful speech. This chapter isn't really concrete, and I have to be honest and say that I didn't really get into it. However, I will try to give you the basic ideas. The problem is, that involves a lot of quotes.....
Level 1
"The Kabbalah tells us that, of the 5 levels of the soul, the first 3 can be understood as degrees of light that enter our bodies. The last 2 levels of soul can be understood as light that encompasses us. The soul is both an inner light- immanent- and an outer, encompassing light- transcendent. The first level of soul, called nefesh, gives you an intuitive knowledge that you could not get from the external world. This kind of knowledge feels very deep and very real, as something that you know from inside yourself. You intuit that your actions can be meaningful. If someone said to you, 'Show me meaning. Pick it up. Put it in a box,' you wouldn't be able to do it. And yet you are sure that when you give money to a needy person that this act of charity is meaningful. How do you know that? How can you prove it? You can't put your action under a microscope and examine it physically. But that doesn't matter to you personally, because you experienced what you did as meaningful. You know this from inside yourself. So your nefesh gives you the sense that your actions can be meaningful. And not only that, it also gives you the sense that your actions should be meaningful."
Now, people can take this and say that most of our lives are not meaningful. We aren't building homes for the homeless, we aren't on our knees 24/7 praying, we aren't donating bone marrow on the weekend, etc. I would tend to disagree. There is always meaning. You just have to look for it.
Take factory work. One person doing the same thing over and over and over and over and... all day. One might say, "That is not meaningful work. How can he do that day after day?" They could ask him, and be surprised by his response. He's putting food on the table for his family. He's making a living, he's actually working hard. Providing is meaningful. And go the other way; if he's working on a car assembly line, and doesn't do his job properly, there could be a problem serious enough with the car that the owner could get into a crash. If you don't do what you know to be your job, it affects other people. And that is nefesh to me. A chain reaction. Do something good, affect a life in a positive way, and you are an example the receiver will carry. Same goes the other way. And just look at the case with the car. You can apply that to almost everything.
"To toil without meaning, to lead a life without meaning, is the greatest torture you can endure because it attacks the soul, not just the body. A human being cannot live this way. He will lose his will to live; he will get sick and die. Or he will obliterate his feelings with drugs and alcohol. Or he will struggle to break away to find something that gives him even a shred of meaning."
( Prisoners, according to the author, are told to do meaningless work. Dig a hole and fill it. Move rocks from here to there. I never knew that. I wonder if it bothers them.)
"In addition to meaning, the nefesh gives us an awareness of good and bad. It makes us want to feel that we are good... And if we should do something that is bad, then the nefesh demands that we justify our actions. That is why we search so hard for motivation behind the acts of criminals. How could he have murdered his father? It must have been in self defense. Or he was on drugs and didn't know what he was doing. Or he was insane. An act that seems to have no justification we tend to label as irrational."
I don't do this with criminals. I wonder why, and then see there was no good reason. There was no good 'why'. I was part of a team at school, in my American Government class, to reinstate the death penalty. So many get away with pleading insanity, or are given shorter terms, etc. And we wonder why we have repeat offenders. I do this, though, with people I am close to. Those people, I want to find a way to make better. They did this? Well it's because of this in their childhood, they're going through hard times, they were pressured, they were trying to impress this person, etc. The truth is, some people don't think. And none of us think all the time. Beware of your actions when your decision making skills aren't at their peak.
Level 2
"Ruach gives us a sense of truth... And with the sense of truth comes a feeling that words can convey this truth, whatever it is. This goes along with the idea that just as our actions have meaning, so our words have meaning. ... Did you ever wonder why a magician, just before he pulls a rabbit from an empty hat, says, 'Abracadabra'? Abra Kadavra is Hebrew, and it means 'I will create with words.' Hocus pocus' is pseudo-Latin for the same thing."
I believe this is self-explanatory. Look at all great leaders throughout history. Count how many speeches they gave. When you are accused of something, is your first reaction to defeat this accusation with how you act, or is it to defend yourself with your words?
Level 3
"At age 20, according to Kabbalah, we reach the level called neshama, and the neshama knows there is meaning not just in good and bad actions, and words, but in thought, although abstract. When we connect to the neshama, we begin to recognize the value of ideas and ideals. The Midrash says that before the neshama comes into the world, it's taken to the Garden of Eden and shown the rewards of performing it's mission. It then takes an oath that it's going to be the best it can be. So we come into this world with a sense of mission- an ideal self to strive for. This is why simply doing the right thing and avoiding the wrong thing doesn't satisfy us. We want to do more than just what is right. We want to understand our unique role in this world."
I believe I reached this level before 20, and I think a lot of others did/do. It may be because we're in a time where 'deep thoughts' are appreciated and recognized and popular. I remember saying something to someone, and that person saying, "Wow, that's so deep. Did you think of that yourself?" What I had said, to me, was just common sense. Maybe I just used big words...? Anyway, the point is, your thoughts carry an influence. They influence your actions. Your words. Think on righteous things, and you will be led to commit righteous deeds. Think selflessly, and you will be selfless. Think on worldly things, like facebook, a new car, your appearance, and you will eventually place more value on these things than you should.
"We might also say that besides the recognition of the value of ideas and ideals and the yearning for purity, the neshama is the awareness that we are entitled to happiness in this world. Happiness comes when we are in step, in sync, with who we are supposed to be. The neshama knows that I am special, I have a unique calling, and I can be fulfilled and happy by being who I am supposed to be. I am not an accident. I was created with purpose by a Creator who intended me to be. I have meaning because I was meant to be."
Level 4
"The nefesh, the ruach, and the neshama are the 3 levels of soul known as inner lights, as the Kabbalah says. They illustrate our path from within, each to a greater degree. they are levels of consciousness about ourselves and the world, about Hashem. The next 2 levels of soul can be understood as outer lights. They encompass us. And to reach these higher levels, you really have to climb the ladder of yourself. The next level of soul is called chaya. Chaya is the collective soul. In this way you experience your individual self within the context of the collective self of your people. Because of chaya, you feel a need to love and be loved, to belong. Chaya generates the yearning to be a part of a greater community, the realization that as an individual, I really have no meaning unless I belong to a larger whole."
Again, I didn't really get into this chapter, and part of the reason was because we have already discussed some of these things. How we are all connected, how our actions have consequences, how you can be an example either way, etc. I understand why the author is teaching it, and perhaps that he is trying to reinforce the other concepts covered, to connect them all. That's great. But I'm not going to rewrite the concepts week after week. :P
Now, take a different look at it. Another reason the author may be teaching this chapter is to show that the concepts taught already are things we are driven about/towards because of these levels of our selves, of our souls. If that is the case, I can get through the rest of this chapter with greater interest.
Level 5
"The next level of soul is yechida, which is a sense of identification with the ultimate, the Universal Soul. Only the first human beings had this sense- before they were thrown out of the Garden of Eden. ...Yechida yearns to love Hashem as we are commanded, with all our heart, with all our soul, with all our might. ...We yearn to pulse withe the rhythm of Hashem. The soul cries out to bond with the All in All. And yet, despite this call of the soul, most seem to have a hard time hearing it. Why? Because the ego sends a lot of interference. The ego gives the self the false sense of independence, severed from any greater context, like the tuba player who wants to play solo. The key is self awareness- understanding who is the real you."
I see this level and level 3 as connecting more than the others. You have to understand who you are, place enough importance on yourself to give yourself meaning and purpose, and then you have to attain perspective. You have to see that though you are special, unique, etc., it is only because of Someone bigger than you. Realize who you are, and then WHERE you are. A friend of mine once said something about humility: Humility is only taking up as much space as you're supposed to. Don't put yourself down, don't degrade yourself and think less of who you are than you should. But don't try to be bigger than you are. Don't build a tower to the skies, riding on your ego. Know who you are, and recognize the space you take up with yourself. Is it too small? Is it too big?
Questions
1. What activities in your daily life do you consider meaningful? What makes them so?
Talking to Aaron- because I am building more of a relationship, growing close, learning more. Talking to my family- keeping informed and inside of my family's life makes me feel connected to a bigger picture. I also look to encourage and guide my siblings when I can. Practicing the piano- it pleases others when I play, so I want to play well. Working out- not taking health and strength for granted, and not wanting to be a burden in the future to my family and/or kids. Praying for Mr. Wells- to think of others in a selfless way, to be concerned because it affects someone you love, is very meaningful. Praying when I drive- I'm reminding myself that I am not only in my hands, and reminding Yahweh at the same time! ;) Praying for Aaron- I am devoting time to him even when he doesn't know it, voicing concerns on his behalf, praying for his day, for his rest, for his spirit. Going the extra mile, being cheerful when at work or out of the house- because to brighten someone's mood for only a moment is wonderful to me.
4. Can you identify a cause or ideal that you would be willing to sacrifice your life for? If so, why?
Family. I would die for any member of my family. For any member of Aaron's family. For any member of the LeCronier family. For lots of families. Because I could do a few things. 1. Save a life 2. Save others from a stronger grief 3. Let someone else reach their potential.
Family is a cause, one I believe in wholeheartedly. One that I see suffer almost daily at my job. And it saddens me to witness the ignored child, the depressed mother, the beaten-down father. Because it's a cycle. You generally raise your kids as you were raised. 'You marry your father'. Etc. If all strong families were wiped out, I honestly think it would be then that the world would truly be done.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yechida Universal Soul- yearning to love Hashem
Chaya Collective Soul- sense of self transcendence
Neshama Meaningful Thought- sense of an ideal
Ruach Meaningful Speech- sense of truth
Nefesh Meaningful Action- sense of good and bad
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Animalistic Soul Life Force-consciousness of needs for survival
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(^read from the bottom up^)
In this chapter, there is a lot of technical stuff- terminology, etc. Some of the lines drawn between one level of soul and the next, to me, are very fuzzy. I might actually have put some of the levels together, like meaningful action and meaningful speech. This chapter isn't really concrete, and I have to be honest and say that I didn't really get into it. However, I will try to give you the basic ideas. The problem is, that involves a lot of quotes.....
Level 1
"The Kabbalah tells us that, of the 5 levels of the soul, the first 3 can be understood as degrees of light that enter our bodies. The last 2 levels of soul can be understood as light that encompasses us. The soul is both an inner light- immanent- and an outer, encompassing light- transcendent. The first level of soul, called nefesh, gives you an intuitive knowledge that you could not get from the external world. This kind of knowledge feels very deep and very real, as something that you know from inside yourself. You intuit that your actions can be meaningful. If someone said to you, 'Show me meaning. Pick it up. Put it in a box,' you wouldn't be able to do it. And yet you are sure that when you give money to a needy person that this act of charity is meaningful. How do you know that? How can you prove it? You can't put your action under a microscope and examine it physically. But that doesn't matter to you personally, because you experienced what you did as meaningful. You know this from inside yourself. So your nefesh gives you the sense that your actions can be meaningful. And not only that, it also gives you the sense that your actions should be meaningful."
Now, people can take this and say that most of our lives are not meaningful. We aren't building homes for the homeless, we aren't on our knees 24/7 praying, we aren't donating bone marrow on the weekend, etc. I would tend to disagree. There is always meaning. You just have to look for it.
Take factory work. One person doing the same thing over and over and over and over and... all day. One might say, "That is not meaningful work. How can he do that day after day?" They could ask him, and be surprised by his response. He's putting food on the table for his family. He's making a living, he's actually working hard. Providing is meaningful. And go the other way; if he's working on a car assembly line, and doesn't do his job properly, there could be a problem serious enough with the car that the owner could get into a crash. If you don't do what you know to be your job, it affects other people. And that is nefesh to me. A chain reaction. Do something good, affect a life in a positive way, and you are an example the receiver will carry. Same goes the other way. And just look at the case with the car. You can apply that to almost everything.
"To toil without meaning, to lead a life without meaning, is the greatest torture you can endure because it attacks the soul, not just the body. A human being cannot live this way. He will lose his will to live; he will get sick and die. Or he will obliterate his feelings with drugs and alcohol. Or he will struggle to break away to find something that gives him even a shred of meaning."
( Prisoners, according to the author, are told to do meaningless work. Dig a hole and fill it. Move rocks from here to there. I never knew that. I wonder if it bothers them.)
"In addition to meaning, the nefesh gives us an awareness of good and bad. It makes us want to feel that we are good... And if we should do something that is bad, then the nefesh demands that we justify our actions. That is why we search so hard for motivation behind the acts of criminals. How could he have murdered his father? It must have been in self defense. Or he was on drugs and didn't know what he was doing. Or he was insane. An act that seems to have no justification we tend to label as irrational."
I don't do this with criminals. I wonder why, and then see there was no good reason. There was no good 'why'. I was part of a team at school, in my American Government class, to reinstate the death penalty. So many get away with pleading insanity, or are given shorter terms, etc. And we wonder why we have repeat offenders. I do this, though, with people I am close to. Those people, I want to find a way to make better. They did this? Well it's because of this in their childhood, they're going through hard times, they were pressured, they were trying to impress this person, etc. The truth is, some people don't think. And none of us think all the time. Beware of your actions when your decision making skills aren't at their peak.
Level 2
"Ruach gives us a sense of truth... And with the sense of truth comes a feeling that words can convey this truth, whatever it is. This goes along with the idea that just as our actions have meaning, so our words have meaning. ... Did you ever wonder why a magician, just before he pulls a rabbit from an empty hat, says, 'Abracadabra'? Abra Kadavra is Hebrew, and it means 'I will create with words.' Hocus pocus' is pseudo-Latin for the same thing."
I believe this is self-explanatory. Look at all great leaders throughout history. Count how many speeches they gave. When you are accused of something, is your first reaction to defeat this accusation with how you act, or is it to defend yourself with your words?
Level 3
"At age 20, according to Kabbalah, we reach the level called neshama, and the neshama knows there is meaning not just in good and bad actions, and words, but in thought, although abstract. When we connect to the neshama, we begin to recognize the value of ideas and ideals. The Midrash says that before the neshama comes into the world, it's taken to the Garden of Eden and shown the rewards of performing it's mission. It then takes an oath that it's going to be the best it can be. So we come into this world with a sense of mission- an ideal self to strive for. This is why simply doing the right thing and avoiding the wrong thing doesn't satisfy us. We want to do more than just what is right. We want to understand our unique role in this world."
I believe I reached this level before 20, and I think a lot of others did/do. It may be because we're in a time where 'deep thoughts' are appreciated and recognized and popular. I remember saying something to someone, and that person saying, "Wow, that's so deep. Did you think of that yourself?" What I had said, to me, was just common sense. Maybe I just used big words...? Anyway, the point is, your thoughts carry an influence. They influence your actions. Your words. Think on righteous things, and you will be led to commit righteous deeds. Think selflessly, and you will be selfless. Think on worldly things, like facebook, a new car, your appearance, and you will eventually place more value on these things than you should.
"We might also say that besides the recognition of the value of ideas and ideals and the yearning for purity, the neshama is the awareness that we are entitled to happiness in this world. Happiness comes when we are in step, in sync, with who we are supposed to be. The neshama knows that I am special, I have a unique calling, and I can be fulfilled and happy by being who I am supposed to be. I am not an accident. I was created with purpose by a Creator who intended me to be. I have meaning because I was meant to be."
Level 4
"The nefesh, the ruach, and the neshama are the 3 levels of soul known as inner lights, as the Kabbalah says. They illustrate our path from within, each to a greater degree. they are levels of consciousness about ourselves and the world, about Hashem. The next 2 levels of soul can be understood as outer lights. They encompass us. And to reach these higher levels, you really have to climb the ladder of yourself. The next level of soul is called chaya. Chaya is the collective soul. In this way you experience your individual self within the context of the collective self of your people. Because of chaya, you feel a need to love and be loved, to belong. Chaya generates the yearning to be a part of a greater community, the realization that as an individual, I really have no meaning unless I belong to a larger whole."
Again, I didn't really get into this chapter, and part of the reason was because we have already discussed some of these things. How we are all connected, how our actions have consequences, how you can be an example either way, etc. I understand why the author is teaching it, and perhaps that he is trying to reinforce the other concepts covered, to connect them all. That's great. But I'm not going to rewrite the concepts week after week. :P
Now, take a different look at it. Another reason the author may be teaching this chapter is to show that the concepts taught already are things we are driven about/towards because of these levels of our selves, of our souls. If that is the case, I can get through the rest of this chapter with greater interest.
Level 5
"The next level of soul is yechida, which is a sense of identification with the ultimate, the Universal Soul. Only the first human beings had this sense- before they were thrown out of the Garden of Eden. ...Yechida yearns to love Hashem as we are commanded, with all our heart, with all our soul, with all our might. ...We yearn to pulse withe the rhythm of Hashem. The soul cries out to bond with the All in All. And yet, despite this call of the soul, most seem to have a hard time hearing it. Why? Because the ego sends a lot of interference. The ego gives the self the false sense of independence, severed from any greater context, like the tuba player who wants to play solo. The key is self awareness- understanding who is the real you."
I see this level and level 3 as connecting more than the others. You have to understand who you are, place enough importance on yourself to give yourself meaning and purpose, and then you have to attain perspective. You have to see that though you are special, unique, etc., it is only because of Someone bigger than you. Realize who you are, and then WHERE you are. A friend of mine once said something about humility: Humility is only taking up as much space as you're supposed to. Don't put yourself down, don't degrade yourself and think less of who you are than you should. But don't try to be bigger than you are. Don't build a tower to the skies, riding on your ego. Know who you are, and recognize the space you take up with yourself. Is it too small? Is it too big?
Questions
1. What activities in your daily life do you consider meaningful? What makes them so?
Talking to Aaron- because I am building more of a relationship, growing close, learning more. Talking to my family- keeping informed and inside of my family's life makes me feel connected to a bigger picture. I also look to encourage and guide my siblings when I can. Practicing the piano- it pleases others when I play, so I want to play well. Working out- not taking health and strength for granted, and not wanting to be a burden in the future to my family and/or kids. Praying for Mr. Wells- to think of others in a selfless way, to be concerned because it affects someone you love, is very meaningful. Praying when I drive- I'm reminding myself that I am not only in my hands, and reminding Yahweh at the same time! ;) Praying for Aaron- I am devoting time to him even when he doesn't know it, voicing concerns on his behalf, praying for his day, for his rest, for his spirit. Going the extra mile, being cheerful when at work or out of the house- because to brighten someone's mood for only a moment is wonderful to me.
4. Can you identify a cause or ideal that you would be willing to sacrifice your life for? If so, why?
Family. I would die for any member of my family. For any member of Aaron's family. For any member of the LeCronier family. For lots of families. Because I could do a few things. 1. Save a life 2. Save others from a stronger grief 3. Let someone else reach their potential.
Family is a cause, one I believe in wholeheartedly. One that I see suffer almost daily at my job. And it saddens me to witness the ignored child, the depressed mother, the beaten-down father. Because it's a cycle. You generally raise your kids as you were raised. 'You marry your father'. Etc. If all strong families were wiped out, I honestly think it would be then that the world would truly be done.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Questions- Chapter 5
First, I will inform you that I will be taking a week off for this week's post. It has been a tiring week for me, and I have found it hard to keep track of what I am and am not doing for some reason. Just a bit frazzled. Also, this weekend is busy with the arrival of Father's Day AND my dad's birthday! Thus, we will resume next Saturday with chapter 6.
Question 1. Which aspects of you life are controlled by fate? Which aspects of your life are controlled by your choices?
The aspects controlled by fate are the aspects that happen to me, and aren't someone else's choice. I chose to go to court, the officer chose to not show up and then reschedule for later. It wasn't fate that I had to go back, it was the officer. Fate is that the officer just happened to be at the same intersection when I ran a yellow light.
I believe it was fate that after not seeing the Wells family in a very long time, some of them showed up at a hayride in Indiana where I was with friends. Aaron then chose to talk to me, and I chose to get to know him all over again.
It is very hard to pin point fate, while it is easy to see where I choose. Fate is not so obvious, and I don't believe we'd like it if it was.
Question 2. Can you recall a time where fate guided you toward a major choice?
I haven't made many major choices in my 20 years of life. I've bought 3 cars, I have had the same job since I was 17 (thankfully, I've moved up and so has the pay), I've fought one ticket, gone to school for a degree, and have been in 2 relationships. Not much to speak of there...
The biggest choice I've made thus far, when it comes to how long I thought about it and the whole process behind it, was to be with Aaron. And I do think fate had a heavy hand in that. The timing was amazing. We met while I was in my last month of being with Dan. Aaron knew me while I 'loved' Dan, Aaron helped me try to keep Dan and I together while we were crashing apart, and Aaron kept me level headed when it was over with. During a time in my life when a lot of new things were going on, starting school, driving more, more responsibilities at work, etc., Aaron was there with experience, understanding, patience, and stability. For 3 months or so, we were best friends. 1 and a half months in, Aaron told me that he had developed feelings for me. Obviously, after being dumped not too long ago, I was hesitant. I got to know him more, tested him, until I was positively sure. And then I decided. It has been the best decision.
Question 3. Can you recall times you led life?
I led my life in a great direction when I interviewed for a position at the library. It has been a wonderful and blessed 3 years there this August. I led my life in another new direction when I went to school. I've had to make choices, tough ones, and lose out on some fun, but it lends a great feeling of accomplishment. I have also led my life on a religious path, giving up even more than school demanded, and seeing even more benefits. I have led a blessed life.
Question 4. Can you recall when things went wrong but worked for the best in the end?
Of course! Everyone makes mistakes, everyone loses, and we must all learn. Everything is an opportunity for growth. Dan and I went wrong, but were supposed to. I lost in court, paid a fine, but... for some reason I don't know... the ticket isn't on my record (I'll fight from now on!) Aaron and I were late home this week because of an accident, but Aaron was the person needed to keep the hurt safe, and I was needed to call an ambulance. Others were there, but they weren't doing it.
Question 5. What do you think is your life mission?
At 20? My mission is to finish school, intern at a company, get a salaried job, get married, and at some point have kids to homeschool and raise up. As far as 1 thing? My mission is to be here for others. "The greatest thing in the world is to someone a favor." To listen, to learn from them, to help, to teach. One person can't make a difference worth anything if all are against him. They have to build eachother up. And raising kids will be like the final project in that. Building, molding, shaping, teaching, and even stepping back from. Part of them will be what I put into them, and that is amazing to me. From there, my children will continue to build others. That is my dream. Part of why I want children. To make this world a better place.
Question 1. Which aspects of you life are controlled by fate? Which aspects of your life are controlled by your choices?
The aspects controlled by fate are the aspects that happen to me, and aren't someone else's choice. I chose to go to court, the officer chose to not show up and then reschedule for later. It wasn't fate that I had to go back, it was the officer. Fate is that the officer just happened to be at the same intersection when I ran a yellow light.
I believe it was fate that after not seeing the Wells family in a very long time, some of them showed up at a hayride in Indiana where I was with friends. Aaron then chose to talk to me, and I chose to get to know him all over again.
It is very hard to pin point fate, while it is easy to see where I choose. Fate is not so obvious, and I don't believe we'd like it if it was.
Question 2. Can you recall a time where fate guided you toward a major choice?
I haven't made many major choices in my 20 years of life. I've bought 3 cars, I have had the same job since I was 17 (thankfully, I've moved up and so has the pay), I've fought one ticket, gone to school for a degree, and have been in 2 relationships. Not much to speak of there...
The biggest choice I've made thus far, when it comes to how long I thought about it and the whole process behind it, was to be with Aaron. And I do think fate had a heavy hand in that. The timing was amazing. We met while I was in my last month of being with Dan. Aaron knew me while I 'loved' Dan, Aaron helped me try to keep Dan and I together while we were crashing apart, and Aaron kept me level headed when it was over with. During a time in my life when a lot of new things were going on, starting school, driving more, more responsibilities at work, etc., Aaron was there with experience, understanding, patience, and stability. For 3 months or so, we were best friends. 1 and a half months in, Aaron told me that he had developed feelings for me. Obviously, after being dumped not too long ago, I was hesitant. I got to know him more, tested him, until I was positively sure. And then I decided. It has been the best decision.
Question 3. Can you recall times you led life?
I led my life in a great direction when I interviewed for a position at the library. It has been a wonderful and blessed 3 years there this August. I led my life in another new direction when I went to school. I've had to make choices, tough ones, and lose out on some fun, but it lends a great feeling of accomplishment. I have also led my life on a religious path, giving up even more than school demanded, and seeing even more benefits. I have led a blessed life.
Question 4. Can you recall when things went wrong but worked for the best in the end?
Of course! Everyone makes mistakes, everyone loses, and we must all learn. Everything is an opportunity for growth. Dan and I went wrong, but were supposed to. I lost in court, paid a fine, but... for some reason I don't know... the ticket isn't on my record (I'll fight from now on!) Aaron and I were late home this week because of an accident, but Aaron was the person needed to keep the hurt safe, and I was needed to call an ambulance. Others were there, but they weren't doing it.
Question 5. What do you think is your life mission?
At 20? My mission is to finish school, intern at a company, get a salaried job, get married, and at some point have kids to homeschool and raise up. As far as 1 thing? My mission is to be here for others. "The greatest thing in the world is to someone a favor." To listen, to learn from them, to help, to teach. One person can't make a difference worth anything if all are against him. They have to build eachother up. And raising kids will be like the final project in that. Building, molding, shaping, teaching, and even stepping back from. Part of them will be what I put into them, and that is amazing to me. From there, my children will continue to build others. That is my dream. Part of why I want children. To make this world a better place.
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