I know I haven't been on in quite some time. We have had company from Canada a few different weekends, a weekend devoted to my mom's parents, etc. etc. etc. I did read the chapter last week Thursday, I just didn't make time on top of other things to put it up.
This chapter is about bringing all of the pieces of yourself together, and to peace. Not to neglect your soul and focus on your ego, not to focus so much on your soul that you're in dream world and don't have a character. It is a good chapter for young people especially. Young people tend to shut out their souls and they end up feeling lost. "People who are very social, always laughing and joking. People who are always busy, trying to fill every possible moment with work or activity or mind-numbing entertainment. Anything to prevent that dreadful moment of silence when they can no longer drown out the cry of their soul. They may succeed, but only for a little while, because the soul is strong. It roars like a restless lion, rattling the bars of the cage the ego has built for it." Everyone searches for themselves, and sometimes the process of the search is to shut off who you truly are while you try to be someone else.
"Hashem calls to Adam, 'Where are you?' But the question isn't, 'Where are you?' It is 'Where are you?' That is the most frightening of questions, which we are all being asked daily. And it is a question that Adam cannot answer. He has lost himself in his ego. He has cut himself off from the Soul of Souls. And having done so, he no longer knows where he is. He cannot find himself because his true self can be found only within the context of the Great Self. Lost and confused, Adam does what lost and confused people have done ever since. He hides. It is a senseless move. It is like trying to hide from yourself. The idea is ridiculous. Can the body hide from the mind? Of course not. How then can the self hide from the Great Self? And yet, when we get lost in the ego, we are cursed with this kind of confused thinking, that Hashem is over there and we are over here." How many times have you felt that? I cannot count how many times in my life I have felt myself slipping away and getting caught up in other things, and I stop to think, "How can I pray now? I'm so far away, and He is so far that-a-way... I don't know what to do." The fact is, it doesn't matter where you are, what you are doing or what you were doing. Yahweh is always there, in everything, and He can hear you from anywhere. Why wouldn't He be able to? There is a story I heard from a rabbi: there was a smart little boy who was offered a coin to tell where God is. The little boy replied that he would give out coins if the poser of the question could tell him where God was not.
The thing is, I can understand why someone would think that. They feel so guilty, that the reality of what they fear is that they will be unable to talk to Him through what they have done. This is where het comes in. Het means sin, remember? To miss the mark, to play off-key, etc. It also means to lose yourself- to misplace and displace yourself. Sometimes it is easier to cover it up. The author told a story about going to the dentist. The dentist asked him if it hurt when he tapped on one of his teeth. He answered that it did not. The dentist asked if it ever hurt. The author replied, "Actually, it did awhile back. But I just ignored it, and eventually the pain went away." The dentist laughed, "You know why it doesn't hurt anymore? It's dead." You can let something go for so long, that you don't notice it, and then you don't think about it, and then it's too late. The tooth is dead. A piece of your soul is dead. And you now need an expensive root canal. ;) Don't wait too long. The more you miss, the more you misplace yourself, the more lost you become. The more lost you become, the further away you feel from the Soul of Souls, the harder it is to come back. We forget how easy it is, prayer. Just open your mouth, or perhaps your mind. Those guilty feelings, when you have a hard time praying, usually mean you're slipping and you have something you need to take care of. It could even be anger at Yahweh over something that happened or even didn't happen. You didn't get the job and don't know why. A loved one died, and you don't know why. This relationship is just like the other ones in your life: You must communicate. Talk it out, and work it out. Peace will be waiting at the end.
"The soul is not at home in the ego." You must have a balance. Work, play, peace. I work 20 hours a week, I will be going to school 12 credit hours, and I will have my Sabbath away from it all once a week. During the hours I am not at work or school, I will be doing homework, reading, playing the piano, visiting with friends and family, and watching movies. If you party or work all the time, your soul is lost. If you live in a constant Sabbath, you lose touch with the world. We mustn't even do that; if we lose touch with the world, how will we bless those in it? How would we be blessed in turn by those in it?
On a different note, this chapter also covered how we reach our balance and respond to things correctly. I know it has been a question since the beginning of pain: Why? Why must He do this? Does He do this? The simple answer is that first, it is not revenge. A principle of the Torah is that all that happens to us is for our good and our growth. It is another path offered to help us surpass our egos and reach our goals. Obstacles should be viewed as opportunities, in other words. We should all look for lessons from our experiences, painful or otherwise. A path some take, though, .. and it is easy to take.. is the path of death. Not literally, but figuratively. They feel pain, they push away, they question, they are angry. Many things can lead one to this path. And once you are on it, it is difficult to switch over.
To choose this path, "to choose death, is to lose yourself- your soul- in the ego. To choose death is to identify with that which dies. And upon doing so, you endure the fear of death each day of your life. The fear of death is greater than death. Death happens once. The fear of death happens daily. To live with the constant fear of death is absolutely tragic; it is like choosing death as a way of life. To choose life is to identify with the timeless. To choose life is to find your self within the Great Self. To do that is to let go of fear. To do that is to know that you- the soul- will never die. To do that is to come home."
Our souls need peace. Our characters need a scene. It is important where we find these scenes, and even where we seek our peace. Don't attach your character or soul to something short term. And remember, "The soul is not at home in the ego." Be blessed, and be a blessing to others. Kol tov. :)
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