'What's It All About?'

Chapter 1: 'What's It All About?'

Page 20, "In other words, if you are self-centered, you are not ready for love. If you are self-centered, you cannot make enough space to nurture an other. And true love is not only creating that space within your life for an other, but giving him or her that space and respecting and maintaining that space. It is being a part of another life and removed from that life at the same time. And once we're able to withdraw ourselves from the center and create space for an other, we must develop a keen sensitivity for just how uniquely different, -- just how other-- our partner is. When we fall in love, we tend to see what we have in common and overlook the differences. That is what the expression 'Love is blind' means. But true love is not blind. True love is seeing- seeing the differences, the otherness, the good and the bad. True love is seeing and still loving. In Hebrew, the verb 'to see' is directly related to the verb 'to respect'. And that is what seeing with the eyes of true love means. True love requires that we see and accept and respect those we love for who they are, without projecting our dreams and fantasies upon them. That is very hard, because we tend to try to fit those we love into our imaginary pictures of love. And if they don't quite fit, we try to alter them to fit."

The author relates this to hugging. One person must make a space for the other, and the other must receive this space as well as make a space for the giver. They are still two separate beings, but connected in a bond. 

In this chapter, the author poses the big questions. What is life all about? What is the meaning of life? What is God? The answers to all 3, the 1 answer to all 3, is love. Of course, YHWH is not only love, but what we receive from Him, what we experience and encounter through Him, boils down to, or just plain is, love. this is not a huge realization to me, but it is nice to be reminded that it isn't about working, going to school. It isn't about succeeding, and it isn't about money. Just love, as simple and complicated as it gets.

What I gleaned in this chapter, though, what I can use in my life, is how to give and receive love. I quoted 3 or 4 paragraphs, writing every word down, because not only have I always agreed with most if not every word, but because I break these words too often for my own comfort. Poor Anaro, who has had to put up with my overactive imagination, and the years of perfect men it has created. Poor Anaro, who I've tried to change. Who's space I know I have invaded before. Of course I love him, and I never meant to hurt him. It arose, all of these wrongs, from selfishness. And if you are selfish, not only can you not receive love, you cannot give it either. 

Also in love, you cannot take. You offer, you receive. The author says, 'What is mine is yours, and what is yours is yours.' 

As for seeing, the good, the bad, the ugly, Anaro and I built our relationship on that. Anaro and I didn't fall in love. It was gradual. It was growing. Seeing one another, including the differences and even the mistakes. I had just come out of a relationship of falling in love. I had just experienced 'love is blind'. I had just been left, disillusioned, by the person I fell in love with, because we saw differences. Through this, I learned. And I shared what I had learned with Anaro, who understood. In my previous relationship, we were both selfish. We both wanted to be one person. We wanted the other to be ourselves. Thankfully, I have never had this problem with Anaro. Thankfully, Anaro respected what was shared, saw the awful things I had showed him in me, and said, "I accept you. I respect you. I want to be with you." This was ultimately how I knew he was the one. After I had shared the darkest part of my being, waiting to see him run, he stayed. And the same happened for him. We became wholly committed to the other. Not as one being, but as 2 standing together. We were committed to hugging. Just ask my family. ;) We hug a lot.

Questions at the end of the chapter- 

1. Can you recall an experience that left you feeling deeply gracious? Along with all the sights, sounds, fragrances, can you recall an awareness of a warm, loving presence that permeated your being?

I don't remember how old I was, either 17 or 18. I was alone in my old room upstairs, and it was at night. In bed, under the covers, I was afraid. Afraid of things I've only shared with a few. Perhaps afraid of my own imaginings. I was struggling to sleep, to think of other things, to block fear. I was struggling for peace. Laying on my side, the covers pulled up to my chin, I was praying. And He answered. I actually saw it. Not just in my mind, in my room. The word 'PEACE'. It was slightly aglow, and it gave such a warm feeling. I remember I smiled, and then I slept that night.

2. What is your image of God? How did you acquire your image of God?

When I'm singing, worshiping Him, I either close my eyes, or look up. This is because I am lifting Him, that He is exalted at that moment. At other times, I close my eyes and look down. Because I am not exalted. As if looking into myself, I should find only me. Instead I welcome Him to fill all spaces. And that is where I see him. I suppose, that is my image. 

I've never really seen a face, once I was older than 9 and didn't have illustrated Bibles. I don't know of the stages I went through, because His image, as far as I can recall after 9, I believe has always been, to me, others. Everyone. Once I understood that hurting others or myself was hurting Him, once I saw that making others happy made me feel closer to him, and once I realized that if everyone was created by Him, held some piece of Him... I didn't need to look for or close my eyes for an image. He was all around. I see Him as the light in all of us, whether ablaze or only a small little ember of a glow.
3. Has your image of God changed since you were a child?
Yes, as has my relationship with Him. As a child, you think of Him as a parent. As you grow with your earthly parents, your relationship with them changes. You have more responsibilities, are held accountable for your actions, and make more of your own choices. Yet you still fear their disappointment, so you try as best you can. His image changes as I change, as the way I see others changes. As I have more questions and less answers. It's more of a matter of faith. He just is.
4. How does your image of God influence your behavior?
His image as the light in others influences my behavior towards others dramatically. If they were all just people, some as rotten as heck, why would I care? But because He is there, they can't all be rotten, and I feel as if I must find Him in each person I come into contact with. If I treat them badly, or don't interact with them at all, I won't find it. I won't see Him.
My relationship to Him as that to my parents influences what I do when I am away from them. Because I am not away from Him. If I know my parents would not be pleased, I can guess He wouldn't be either. It's also a way to honor them, if indirectly. Obeying Him is obeying them.
5. Does your image of God promote, or stifle, your spiritual growth?
I had to think on this a while. If I go by what others say is spiritual about a person.. probably not. I think of someone I knew, always preaching, sermons handed out left and right, always a biblical opinion, always on fire, fasting, praying. I think of my aunt, how her spirituality is calm, peaceful, content. My dad, always learning, teaching. Praying for others, trying always to be a better person. Everyone has a different type of spirituality. I've only just realized it, though I guess I always knew it.
There are a few people I know that have the typical spirituality, the one described first. I would always be jealous, and try to be like them. It never worked, and I felt as if I was failing, that something was wrong with me. I had just assumed that to be spiritual you had to be one thing. Now that I think about it... how silly is that?
My spiritual growth is a combination of things. My prayer life, always trying to better myself in some area or other, and through my relationships with people. Because of that, my spiritual growth is certainly promoted by my image of Yahweh. If He is in everyone, I want to grow in how I am with people. If He is akin to my parents, I want to always succeed in being a good person.
My prayer life is my own personal relationship area, however, with no one else involved. Communication is essential in a relationship, especially for me. I am a person who needs an ear, because I always am one. If I don't need an ear for my own things, then for my concerns or joys for others. Praying makes me feel close, in a one-on-one conversation. I don't get much alone time.. I value this, and have always believed my times in prayer to be precious.

(By the way, I like the author; he quoted The Beatles, "All you need is love.")

So Far.. Learning

I am posting my lessons in learning as they happened exactly a week ago. Saturday I posted something I had written the Saturday before; today I am posting an entry I wrote in my journal precisely a week ago. I will continue all of my posts in this fashion.

So far, learning about space. I've had to tell myself, "No, I will not make space for anger," "No, I don't have space to argue." I did that 3 times Saturday alone, then Anaro and I had to talk out something. Learned that day to choose my arguments. I don't need to fight or get angry over silly things, but, some things you do need to work through. Communication.

Since Saturday, it's been harder. Sunday, I learned about frustration. Frustration is worse than anger. If I make room for frustration, no only does it take that space, but I become exasperated in other things as well. Frustration overflows in to spaces holding better things. Do not get frustrated.

The last one is worry. This is one of the hardest. It snow balls. Unlike frustration, where it overflows, worry just asks you to make a little space here, then a little one there, until you are riddled with holes. Worry eats away at you. You start worrying about your final coming up, the failing the class, then letting your group down, then not spending enough time on other classes, then failing those classes, then thinking of retaking classes which sets graduation further which puts your wedding further which puts (; other things ;) further which puts kids further.... etc. Just stop. Worrying is not solving. Tackle the one issue if you can, and move on. If, at that moment, you can't do anything about it, there is no point in worrying. It doesn't help anything.

Again, just breathe. 

Endless Light- An Introduction

I've started this book called 'Endless Light,' by David Aaron. It is a book designed to teach. My father recommended it to me a week ago, and I made the goal of reading 1 chapter each Sabbath (Saturday) morning. I had read another book of my dad's in this way, and had found it helpful to read something, have the time to think over it, and implement what I could from it, before going on to the next section. I made another goal, to keep a journal of my thoughts on the book, what I learn, what strikes me, etc. I started reading last week on Saturday, and found that I will not be disappointed in my journey.
After writing 2 entries about the lessons I'm learning, I decided on one more thing: to share. Obviously, parts of the journal are personal, and I won't be letting the world read those, but most of it is exactly what I want to tell people in conversation; putting it on the internet will save a lot of talking. I want to make clear that there are many countless lessons a person can learn from one thing, and then many countless others that the person next to them may glean from the same thing. There may be things in this book that I am missing, or simply not focused on. However, you learn what you need. I'm sure if I re-read the book in 10 years, I will see something else entirely. Right now, I am seeing what I need for where I am at this time. I also wish to say that some of the beliefs expressed in the book are not my own, but you cannot learn from one that is of the exact same stuff as you.



Page 11. (1) "Kabalah literally means 'receptivity'- indeed, it is the art of learning to receive. The lesson was: when you are offered a gift, do not 'take' it; instead, make of yourself a space that can receive it."  (2) "This book is not only about getting more out of life; it is about receiving life as a gift. It is about the art of receiving life's gifts of love, spiritual growth, awareness, creativity, freedom, inner peace, happiness, and holiness."  (3) "All of reality shares in our struggles, feels our pain, celebrates our joy, and cheers us on to live fully. Conversely, all of reality hurts when we inflict pain upon others and ourselves. We are all connected to one another -- individually and collectively, to the universe, and to all that is. We are not alone."
This was only the introduction, but there is enough to dwell on and look forward to in this alone. When I came across the first quote, I literally felt peace. And excitement. I have been thinking over the past few days that I do not give freely. That I don't receive graciously. That I am selfish. Learning how to make a place, to be at peace and have space in me, my life, my thoughts, for gifts will be amazing. It will make me accept them, cherish them more. To think more of the gift and the giver than myself and my own excitement and pleasure at the gift. I need this.
The second quote made me even more happy. Too often do I think that, yes, my life is/was a gift from the Creator, and am thankful, but then go ahead and take charge of it my own way. I make my roads, pray for the path to be clear for my ease of travel, and press on, stopping to pray for others always more often than myself. Because I have this under control, right? I just compared this to when I give a present to a friend or family member. They love the book, read it once, sell it. They use the frame for a picture of something/one other than us. They wear the belt around their torso rather than their waste. They don't use it as I wished for it to be used. How must Yahweh feel when He gives us the gift of life, and all that life itself presents to us, and we go along, I go along, and use my happiness to say 'Nothing can touch me now!,' when I should touch others with it? When I use my peace selfishly, saying, 'This is my time. Don't bother me while I'm at peace. No, I won't text back, I'm busy keeping my peace with all these distractions.' All along, if I had received the peace properly, made a space for it, I would have space for distractions and interruptions.
And love. Love is always giving, in order to receive.
The third quote brought it all home. Through writing these, I was thinking, "Oh, all that I'll learn!" I wasn't texting back to Anaro's morning text as quickly as I usually do. I was in my space. I was alone. This... made me wake up. No, Bethany, this book, these lessons, this time is not about you. This is about everyone. Anaro's text, the voices upstairs, the people coming in an hour and a half. Receiving will not be for me. Learning all this book will teach me is not only for my benefit. It is for others. It is for all. When I receive a gift well, it not only makes me happy. It makes the giver happy as well. It makes everyone know how you value their gift, their thoughtfulness, their presence in your life. How you value them.
When I was down in the dumps for a bit yesterday, thinking on how I don't give freely, take things, am selfish... it not only hurt me, it hurt Anaro, who was with me. It damaged the time we were together by making us both feel frustrated, discouraged, sour. This affected, for a short time, everyone I thought about, talked to, looked at. Our actions create a chain reaction. Anger spreads. Don't make room for someone else's anger, and don't force your anger in someone else's space. We are all linked. Don't misuse what binds us together. Just breathe. :)