I've started this book called 'Endless Light,' by David Aaron. It is a book designed to teach. My father recommended it to me a week ago, and I made the goal of reading 1 chapter each Sabbath (Saturday) morning. I had read another book of my dad's in this way, and had found it helpful to read something, have the time to think over it, and implement what I could from it, before going on to the next section. I made another goal, to keep a journal of my thoughts on the book, what I learn, what strikes me, etc. I started reading last week on Saturday, and found that I will not be disappointed in my journey.
After writing 2 entries about the lessons I'm learning, I decided on one more thing: to share. Obviously, parts of the journal are personal, and I won't be letting the world read those, but most of it is exactly what I want to tell people in conversation; putting it on the internet will save a lot of talking. I want to make clear that there are many countless lessons a person can learn from one thing, and then many countless others that the person next to them may glean from the same thing. There may be things in this book that I am missing, or simply not focused on. However, you learn what you need. I'm sure if I re-read the book in 10 years, I will see something else entirely. Right now, I am seeing what I need for where I am at this time. I also wish to say that some of the beliefs expressed in the book are not my own, but you cannot learn from one that is of the exact same stuff as you.
Page 11. (1) "Kabalah literally means 'receptivity'- indeed, it is the art of learning to receive. The lesson was: when you are offered a gift, do not 'take' it; instead, make of yourself a space that can receive it." (2) "This book is not only about getting more out of life; it is about receiving life as a gift. It is about the art of receiving life's gifts of love, spiritual growth, awareness, creativity, freedom, inner peace, happiness, and holiness." (3) "All of reality shares in our struggles, feels our pain, celebrates our joy, and cheers us on to live fully. Conversely, all of reality hurts when we inflict pain upon others and ourselves. We are all connected to one another -- individually and collectively, to the universe, and to all that is. We are not alone."
This was only the introduction, but there is enough to dwell on and look forward to in this alone. When I came across the first quote, I literally felt peace. And excitement. I have been thinking over the past few days that I do not give freely. That I don't receive graciously. That I am selfish. Learning how to make a place, to be at peace and have space in me, my life, my thoughts, for gifts will be amazing. It will make me accept them, cherish them more. To think more of the gift and the giver than myself and my own excitement and pleasure at the gift. I need this.
The second quote made me even more happy. Too often do I think that, yes, my life is/was a gift from the Creator, and am thankful, but then go ahead and take charge of it my own way. I make my roads, pray for the path to be clear for my ease of travel, and press on, stopping to pray for others always more often than myself. Because I have this under control, right? I just compared this to when I give a present to a friend or family member. They love the book, read it once, sell it. They use the frame for a picture of something/one other than us. They wear the belt around their torso rather than their waste. They don't use it as I wished for it to be used. How must Yahweh feel when He gives us the gift of life, and all that life itself presents to us, and we go along, I go along, and use my happiness to say 'Nothing can touch me now!,' when I should touch others with it? When I use my peace selfishly, saying, 'This is my time. Don't bother me while I'm at peace. No, I won't text back, I'm busy keeping my peace with all these distractions.' All along, if I had received the peace properly, made a space for it, I would have space for distractions and interruptions.
And love. Love is always giving, in order to receive.
The third quote brought it all home. Through writing these, I was thinking, "Oh, all that I'll learn!" I wasn't texting back to Anaro's morning text as quickly as I usually do. I was in my space. I was alone. This... made me wake up. No, Bethany, this book, these lessons, this time is not about you. This is about everyone. Anaro's text, the voices upstairs, the people coming in an hour and a half. Receiving will not be for me. Learning all this book will teach me is not only for my benefit. It is for others. It is for all. When I receive a gift well, it not only makes me happy. It makes the giver happy as well. It makes everyone know how you value their gift, their thoughtfulness, their presence in your life. How you value them.
When I was down in the dumps for a bit yesterday, thinking on how I don't give freely, take things, am selfish... it not only hurt me, it hurt Anaro, who was with me. It damaged the time we were together by making us both feel frustrated, discouraged, sour. This affected, for a short time, everyone I thought about, talked to, looked at. Our actions create a chain reaction. Anger spreads. Don't make room for someone else's anger, and don't force your anger in someone else's space. We are all linked. Don't misuse what binds us together. Just breathe. :)
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