Question 1. Can you recall conflicts in yourself and in your life that have propelled you forward? Which conflicting energies are tearing you apart?
Conflicts in myself and my life...that propelled me forward. Hard question, and it's only half the question.
Conflict one- Being dumped by Dan was a conflict in my life schedule. I only wanted to be with one guy, I wanted it to work, I didn't want to be alone. That conflict helped me learn that life can't have a schedule, that not everything works, but that most works for your good.
Conflict two- Telling my parents a big secret and hearing them tell it to others. Though it was really hard to tell them, though I was hurt and scared and lost some trust for a while, bringing it in the open and hearing other perspectives decreased my fear and made me move on. I needed to move on.
Conflict three- New manager, new coworkers, I apparently made 'foes' from the get-go. After trying to resolve things through management... I learned that managers don't necessarily care if everyone gets along as long as everyone does their job, that employees will say one thing to the boss and another to coworkers, and that no matter how upset I get as what others do... I have my own rules and standards, and I have to do the right thing. Others may use different rules, but I was and am proud that I went through the right channels. It taught me more about office politics. I will need that knowledge for a while.
The second half of the question has had several sets of answers for a long time. Right now, though, I have 2 hands. 1 is holding what I want- to get married SOON. The other is holding what I have to do- wait. I feel as if I am at a stand still, in school all the time, same job for three years, in a relationship for a year and 5 months... everything keeps going and it's hard to see when it will change. Another take is that I want to move in one direction. I want to graduate, get a job, get married. All the wile, I have opportunities to expand, not just move on. I'm like water from the faucet, I come out, go down. That's all, one direction. I should be like... an egg you just cracked. :-P Moving and expanding in all directions. I can be too focused, and miss things, or not want to do things because I need to do one thing.
Question 2. When do your strengths turn into weaknesses?
When I take over so much that I disregard other people, I am using my leadership, but it turns into control. When I give advice when asked and am upset if 1. they don't do it or 2. listen to someone else, I am using perceptiveness, knowledge, wisdom, encouragement, and turning into control. When I have my standards and am upset others aren't like me, I am true to my rules, but projecting them on others. ... etc.
Question 4. Do you feel you have any fears and phobias holding you back from growing?
As discussed earlier, I was putting off training because of some fears. I know I have a lot of fears and a lot of growing to do, but doing to training while increasing directional and driving confidence is one I plan on tackling as soon as class ends and I have 2 open days in the week (in 2 1/2 weeks).
Most of the fear preventing things is my fear involved in driving. Thus, I have begun to address this fear.
Question 5. Can you recall accomplishments that when realized were immediately overshadowed by new yearnings?
In school, when I get a good grade, I think of the next project or test that I want a good grade on. When I finish a piano piece, I move on to another one to finish. When I baked my first cheesecake, I wanted to bake a different kind. I view this more as increasing a skill, not a new yearning. I think I am one to relax and enjoy for a while what I have done, then move on to something else. Not immediately.
Question 6. Which of the guiding principles are dominant in your life?
The 6 guides are gevurah: justice, control, holding back, maintaining borders, selfishness chesod: kindness, unrestrained giving, spontaneity, undisciplined extension of self tiferet: beauty, balance, harmony hod: submission, retreat, surrender netzach: conquest, victory, assertion yesod: peace, grounding
These 6 work as a triad, with the first 3 completing each other, as well as the last 3. Gevurah and chesod need tiferet, hod and netzach need yesod. You can't just have chesod and gevurah; you will be two people, torn by two energies. You need or other the other with tiferet; the same goes for hod and netzach. A person needs the compliment in order to be a balanced and healthy personality. Unfortunately, the one I see most in myself is gevurah.
Question 7. Which principles of life do you need to reinforce to feel more balanced?
I need tiferet for my control, and yesod to help with the hod; the fear. Tiferet for my relationships with people and yesod for myself.
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