I debated whether or not it was necessary to even put these up, but I said I would, so here they are. Again, I may leave out part of an answer, I may even leave out a whole question. You'll just have to read the book to find out what they were. ;)
Question 2. Is there a character trait in others that you generally seek to subordinate? Is there a weakness in you that allows you to become subordinate to others?
(Hard question, right? Very hard to answer. They are all like that.) Feeling that you are done, that you are ok, that you know... I tend to put down. If someone says they've found the solution, I find a problem with the solution. I don't generally think that a person can get to the end, or over something, on their own. I have to approve or be some aspect of help. I've filled the role of counselor for a long time, and it's a role I don't give up willingly now.
When it comes to my own subordination or weakness... I suppose it's that I am loyal. Sometimes too loyal. I keep friends and relationships even when it hurts me. I won't say something that needs to be said for fear they'll drop me like a hot potato. I don't condone, but I am silent. I keep giving, and I get hurt over and over. Because the ball is always in their court. An argument could be made that I feel like everyone needs me, and it's not just loyalty, I understand. However, new 'friends' or acquaintances that I give advice to for a short time don't hold me like this. They start to annoy me (for lack of a better word), or I see that they don't give a darn, and I say, 'Ok then, we're done.' The people that do hold me are the people I feel closest to, the people who have been friends of mine the longest. I just don't want to give up on them. I don't want to give them up.
Question 3. Can you think of times when you tried to control your partner?
I have always been forceful. I have always had high standards for a significant other, but along the way some of those standards turned into a fantasy. And there have been several times when I've tried to tell him what to do, what to say, when to come, etc. Aaron put up with a lot, until I learned to just trust his judgement. And I have been pleased since. (No, I'm not saying I'm cured. It's a process.)
Question 4: What are the unique strengths you want to be respected for in a loving relationship? What are the unique strengths you most respect in others?
I think my answers are the same for myself and others. Logic, perceptiveness, truthfulness, strength, being a motivator, creativity, self respect, and standing true to your word. My dad taught me to never make a promise I couldn't keep, and to never break one that I made. I expect the same in others.
Question 5. Can you recall the last time you "fell in love"? What was the attraction? Did it become a "climb in love"? If not, what could you have done to make it so?
That last time was in my first relationship, and the attraction was love. Adoration. Excitement. We both played music, we both loved music. We both wrote poems, we loved each others poems. And no, it became a downward spiral. I could not have done anything, because he came to a point where he was set on making it worse, until it broke. I'm glad I can say there is nothing I could do, because I'd hate to think of it working. I wouldn't have Aaron.
Question 6. Can you remember the first time you told someone you loved him/her? Why did you say that? Why at that moment?
The first time was as my relationship was crumbling. I was at a loss, I had done everything I could see to do. I had told him throughout our relationship that I didn't want to say "I love you" for a while. I didn't want it light or common. Or early. He had always disagreed, so I told him I loved him as I told him to do whatever would make him happy concerned us. Obviously, it didn't work, and I've regretted using such words for that purpose since.
Question 8. Can you remember a relationship in which you made space for your partner? What specifically did you make space for?
This one, with Aaron. It has held the most meaning, filled the most space. I made space for honesty. I wanted openness, truthfulness, acceptance. And I have received, and given I hope, just that.
Question 9. What character flaws in a partner are you willing to make space for? What flaws in your character will your partner have to make a space for?
I make space for any flaws that aren't dangerous or damaging, and I hope that goes the same for Aaron. Of course, we encourage growth in the other at the same time.
Question 10. What did you learn from your previous relationships that prepared you for your soul mate?
Ground rules, boundaries, communication, and willingness to fight over and then get over issues. Not to be looked over, and not to be forgotten. Not to be changed, to be seen as something else. I've learned to compromise on some issues and be willing to give on others. (I didn't have to learn how to not give an inch on something though. I knew that already. ;) Most of what I have learned, though, I have learned with Aaron. And I love how we have grown together.
The posts will now be as they were before, I hope, in that I will read and write it one week, then type it up for others to read the next. Until then.. kol tov.
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